i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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