ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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