Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
