Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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