apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
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There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
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I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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