Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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