he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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