I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
