Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
