Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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