he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
