My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
