I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
