My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
