i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
