i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he thought i was a dude.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
