so explain again why im purple
no
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
