I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
