Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
