I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
