his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
