Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
