I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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