I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
