He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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