I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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