ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
