so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
