this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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