I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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