At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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