Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He shit in the fireplace
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
