I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
