Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My liver just had a heart attack.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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