I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
