i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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