Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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