omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
