I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
