Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
