so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
