when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
