I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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