dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
