We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
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I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
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Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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