you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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