yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
