I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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