You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize