Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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