hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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