the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
